Parle-moi pas d'amour...

.... de tout c'que tu veux
d'n'importe quoi, mais pas d'amour
je te jure que j'saurais pas quoi dire...

I'm not really good at the whole boys and girls thing. There, I've said it. I can offer advice on other people's relationships, yes. I'm good at that. I can offer very wise counsel. I will do whatever I can to help my friends in their relationship woes. And occasionally, just occasionally, me being a good friend gets in the way of my own feelings.

In a nutshell, I'm being a really supportive friend with a friend of mine who's interested in a guy I shall hearby refer to as "Some Guy". She's into "Some Guy", but she has not yet let the identity of "Some Guy" slip to me. Unbeknownst to her, I've kind of figured it out. When it all comes down to it, I'd have to be pretty blind to not have by now. Problem? "Some Guy" has actually been causing me a certain amount of heartache lately. Yes, my friend and I have a crush on the same guy. Can we get any more adolescent? Seriously?

As it stands, I am the only one who knows both sides of the story. She doesn't know I'm into "Some Guy". She probably doesn't even know I've figured out the identity of "Some Guy". So what is my reaction to this? Well... actually, I'm trying to get her to give him her number so they can get to know each other better. I'm even considering setting up a massive as group social event so she can invite him along and not be too embarassed about it (because it's not technically a date, yadda yadda). Yes, you heard me - I am encouraging this relationship. 'Why', I hear you ask, 'would you be setting up your friend with a guy you like?'

The answer, of course, is simple. I'm not really happy about the fact that I like this guy. I find crushes annoying, inconvienient and a waste of my valuable time. If he's seeing someone else, then I'll be able to talk myself out of liking him and maybe even convince myself I never really liked him in the first place. That would be nice. Painful, but with a nice outcome.

In an ideal world, he'd like me and ask me out or whatever and all would be well and there'd be happy little marshmallows and rainbows floating around, but this isn't an ideal world, and I'm fairly sure he isn't even into me. Generally, the fact that he thinks I'm crazy doesn't really bode well for a possible relationship. Course, I have friends telling me that "it could be crazy in a good way" and "why shut the door on what could possibly work out?" but when it all comes down to it, the door isn't even open. Not every single guy wants a girlfriend. In fact, for all I know he could already be seeing someone, or he could be gay, or he could have a secret burning desire to become a monk (which would all be interesting twists to the whole story...)

But in other ways, it'd be easier if he disliked me. He doesn't seem to. He tolerates me like everyone else does. Occasionally laughs at my dumb jokes like everyone else does. Has that same expression of fond amusement that everyone seems to have when I say something stupid. I'd probably place him on the acquaintance/friend borderline. And that's bad. I'm not even sure if he's into my friend. For her sake and for mine, I really, really hope so. But to quote my dear friend Shane, "if you're willing to let him go, getting over him this way will be quicker, and who knows, he may realise your brilliance at a later date, you don't need to push it, or make a dick of yourself." Realise my brilliance at a later date... yeah, right (an example of two positives making a negative). But I'm really, really, not into making a dick of myself.

I would say watch this space, but really, there's nothing to watch. What it comes down to is that I am a complete and utter loser. 17 cats, a coup of attack chickens and a rocking chair coming right up!

ALP,
Rosie