DON'T PANIC

Guess what I just saw?

Anyone who has not yet seen The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy must run out and see it Now. I'm serious - I loved it. Though I will admit that it may not be everyone's cup of tea (has a good chuckle to herself)... ahem. I think I shall see it again. I think that, when it comes out on DVD, I shall buy me a copy. I really, really liked the way Zaphod and Trillian were done (I, like my twin Carol, didn't really get Trillian in the books, either)

I'm quite liking being on holiday, actually. Only 4 more days til CTC! Yay for that... I'm really looking forward to it. Less to me singing and more to just all the awesomeness that's gonna happen. My grandma bought me a pillow today. Apparently it's coz I did well in my first trimester at university - and coz pillows are always useful. Hmm... I love Grandma.

Rosie

Can I hear an "oooh-yeah"?

Oooooooooooooh- YEAH!

I've finished my first trimester at university! My goodness how the time has flewn... it's been crazy, let me tell you. It's still somewhat strange that, hey, whoa, this is actually my life. I don't think I'm quite used to the fact just yet. I finished my dissertation last night and almost ended up relatively happy with it, though I feel somewhat sorry for Dorothee coz she actually has to read it. Handed everything else in, and it was like a boulder being lifted from my shoulders.

Seriously, the last week has been a nightmare, well and truly. I managed to get very, very sick with a cold on Sunday night and I was death warmed up on Monday morning, having barely slept at all the previous night. I was so completely clogged up I was actually surprised at the sheer quantity of gunk my nose is actually capable of holding. (That may be boarderline TMI) Anyway, I had to do my expose for French, as well as a Spanish Test. Let's just say that the expose was disaster-esque, mostly coz I got told to slow down half way through. I talk really, really fast in English, and almost twice that in French. I can't really explain why that happens. Spanish Test seemed alright, too.

Tuesday morning I woke up feeling slightly better, did my Spanish oral test then went and got my meningitis injection. An hour after that, I was feeling worse than I did on Monday and didn't make it to work that night. I also realised that I couldn't find my flipping LLC fiche de travail for French215 and started to freak, coz it was due at the end of the week and the whole point was that it was supposed to have been continuous work throughout the entire trimester. Ack. I went to bed and got a decent night's sleep, which was good.

Wednesday morning I started the day with a French test (joy! rapture!) and had a German one in the afternoon, which was fun. I spent most of the day cramming in my silly LLC stuff, as did most of the rest of the French class. We're all a bunch of SLACKERS, it seems...

Thursday I finished off the rest of my LLC stuff and did another French test. I also had a nice little minor panic attack about the fact that my dissertation did not want to be written at all and was generally being a huge pain in my ass. I went to my German lecture where we were treated to the best lecture I've had so far - someone kidnapped the lecturer during Kaffeestunde and if we wanted to get her back (and our test results) we'd have to solve some German puzzles. All I've gotta say is it was cute. Very cute. And I got an A- in the test itself despite being so sick, so yay.

Last night I finally finished my dissertation, and believe you me I was rather happy. It was such a haul - on Wednesday night I sat in front of the computer for nearly 3 and a half hours and nothing got done. I did write a big long encouraging email to a friend which wasn't really on the to-do list, but I think it helped me as much as it helped him (at least I hope it helped him - if you're reading this, mate, I'm glad to be of service and I do what I can) - priorities, people, priorities. I handed everything in today and felt awesome about it. I am so looking forward to these next 5 weeks - it's going to be awesome to be able to relax. At the same time, I'm gonna miss everyone. I've got lotsa numbers, though, so much hanging out will take place. (If I remember, that is, it's quite possible I'll just get lazy and not text anyone...)

To top of the weirdness of the week, though, I had a bit of a realisation, and it kind of annoyed me. I don't really like developping feelings for people. It tends to get in the way with my relationship with said people, and I end up looking like an idiot. I just need to concentrate on 17 cats, a rocking chair and a coop full of attack chickens. I hate crushes. I really do. Other people tend to really enjoy that butterfly-stomach-I'm-going-to-go-psycho feeling you get when you're around someone you have feelings for, but I most certainly do not. I even wrote a poem about it.

I'm not really sure
why I can't stop thinking about you
it's not as if I
don't have better things to do
why do you invade my thoughts?
I used to be alone here
whatever happened to privacy?
I didn't realise I was so paranoid but
sometimes I feel like you can read my mind
when you look at me and smile
and it's almost like you're mocking me
and I'd kind of like to strangle you
coz frankly, it'd just be easier
the only downside is
if you were gone
I know I'd miss you
sometimes I miss you when you're there
right in front of me
making stupid, idle conversation...
what it all boils down to is
you stole my heart
and dammit
I want it back

I would also like to point out that I am not taking any English literature papers. Nor do I intend to. Thus I do not claim to be any good at writing poems. I'm not. I just like expressing myself in a creative, interesting manner. Or at least what I reckon is creative and interesting. It's better than going all angsty. OH WELL. The moral of the story is: it's back to the recipe for Rosie. The recipe being "recipe for dealing with crushes"
Step 1: Ignore the feeling until it goes away
Step 2: Avoid said person at all costs
Step 3: Repeat steps 1 and 2 until cured.

ALP,
Rosie (qui est libre!!!! je suis libre!!!!)

Am possibly on the final lap...

... of this trimester, that is. In all honesty, it actually went quite fast. But it was pretty intense, what with all the crazy language learning and whatnot. I can honestly say that I am a great deal more knowlegdable about all three of the languages I am studying at this date than I was when I started. I can make full sentences in Spanish, in past, present and future tenses. Two past tenses, even. And I've even got a hang of the gerand, too. Yayness! German... well, I can use the past tense. And the random structures of the different types of conjunctions. Still gotta get my head around the pure evilness of the subjunctive and adjectives, but all in good time. And I've even learnt stuff in French! I learnt how to use "dont" appropriately. And "ce dont". And I even learnt that up until 1981, the French used the guillotine to administer the death penalty. On October 9th, 1981, they abolished the death penalty in France completely, but they used the guillotine right up until then! Actually, I'm quite knowledgable about the guillotine now.

- A doctor invented and perfected it.
- Used during the French Revolution.
- The aim is for it to be quick and painless and easy. (Hmmm, I have a song called "Quick, Painless and Easy" on CD somewhere. It was a cool song.)
- Cut off the kings head. And his wifes. They seemed like silly people anyway.

I got to speak about the guillotine for 3 minutes in class the other week. That was exciting.

Anyway, what's coming up... Monday is my Spanish test. Straight after is my French expose. Yikes. Tuesday is my Spanish oral test. I have to read a little text thing. Wednesday I have a French test. Thursday I have a German test and another French test! It's all so exciting... then on Friday, I think I get my German test back at my tutorial. And we're all going out celebrating! It's going to be awesome fun... salsa, possibly karaoke, lots and lots of dancing... yay! This time next week I'll possibly be completely exhausted, but it'll be so worth it :). So bring on the week!

ALP,
Rosie

Me gusta el cafe...

Me gusta mucho el cafe.

Me gusta muchissimo el cafe!

I just realised that so far, I've had titles in French and German (and a decent bit of English, too) so I figured, hey, why not put Spanish in there, too? I have news, btw... I'm going to sing at CTC! Go here to find out what it's all about: http://www.yfc.org.nz/ctc <-- it's all very exciting. Here's hoping I don't screw up my chords like I did at the audition thing. *shrugs* Life does continue. It's on over Queen's Birthday weekend. It's going to be great fun - and hey, even if I screw up there's a ton of cool stuff happened. Like, for example, Moped! Yayness!!!

Less than two weeks to go, and it's getting into an "argh, I've just realised I don't actually know anything" stage. At the very least, I know that I have read L'etranger. It's an interesting book... I don't know if I would recommend it or not. I really can't decide - I read it, and it did affect me somewhat. It kind of left me feeling a little... I don't know, disturbed? Well, not really disturbed, but more confused. Perplexed. The main character was hard to figure out. His motives completely eluded me. I didn't understand him, but at the end of the book I still felt bad for him. It did make me think, though - we are all condemned to death. Humanity is condemned to death. What's cool is the fact that death doesn't have to be the end - it can be the passage for what we're destined for, being with God. Still - the book made me think. There are so many people who will live their entire lives exactly like Meursault. It's sad... there has to be something I can do about it.

Well... I have a lot to do in the next little while. I gotta somehow locate some money for CTC, so I can actually go perform. I still have to pay, which is understandable, coz there are quite a few performers. It's going to be awesome, I reckon. I've also got work off next Friday night so I can go out. Yayness! I think Julia and I are gonna go hunting for lemon chicken...

yummmmmmmm... lemon chicken.

And with that thought, I leave you.

ALP,

Rosie

Il n'y a rien de nouveau sous le soleil...

*ahem*

In much better frame of mind at the moment. Have much work to do, esp. this random German assignment they thought it might be fun to give us at the last minute. Imperative! Yay! Ugh... why does Anke like Monika's Spaghetti? Please explain this to me... hmm... oh, and maybe I should write my dissertation. Maybe my expose too. Ooh... I have found usefulness for that dissertation, however.

"Ce qui a été, c'est ce qui sera, et ce qui s'est fait, c'est ce qui se fera: il n'y a rien de nouveau sous le soleil. Si l'on dit: «Tenez! Voilà quelque chose de nouveau», en fait, cela a déjà existé dans les temps qui nous ont précédés depuis longtemps. Seulement, on ne se souvient plus de ce qui s'est passé autrefois, et il en sera de même pour ce qui se produira dans l'avenir: ceux qui viendront après nous n'en auront aucun souvenir."
-Ecclésiaste 1:9-11

Trust me. This is useful. Or I will find a way to make it useful.

ALP,
Rosie

What if I stumble?

//Is this one for the people?
Is this one for the Lord?
Or do I simply serenade for things I must afford?
You can jumble them together, my conflict still remains
Holiness is calling, in the midst of courting fame
Cause I see the trust in their eyes
Though the sky is falling
They need Your love in their lives
Compromise is calling...

What if I stumble, what if I fall?
What if I lose my step and I make fools of us all?
Will the love continue when my walk becomes a crawl?
What if I stumble, and what if I fall? //
- DC Talk

That's definately a question I ask myself a lot - what if I stumble? What if I have already stumbled? What if I'm not really going anywhere - I'm just kind of dragging myself along. Why do I still get the best of me? Why can't I just get it together? Why does God feel so far away from me sometimes? Why do I have these questions? I sometimes feel like I'm swimming in this mine-field when I'm at university - defending myself. Defending what I believe. But at the same time, the friends I've made at university who don't believe what I do are the ones who are the most supportive of my studies. I can't really explain it properly... but it's kind of like this.

I have a great youth group. They are really awesome people. But lately it's been the last place I wanna be at times, simply because I don't feel that they take me seriously and seem to think I'm wasting my time at uni studying all these languages. I don't need that from my friends. I get enough of that from my extended family - had a rather exciting lunch with all the rellies on Dad's side of the family and they seemed to be implying that me wanting to learn all these languages implied that I thought I was too good for NZ. Well, evidently, if I'm learning languages I want to ultimately travel, but I am still a kiwi, through and through. I don't think I'm any better than them. They seem to think studying in general is a good thing, since they support my cousin's architecture degree, but apparently mine just doesn't cut it. They're all busy congratulating his B, and I'm just thinking "does anyone actually care that I haven't got anything lower than an A- all trimester?" I'm not doing this to IMPRESS people - but maybe occasionally I'd like my friends to ask how it's going, or maybe express the tiniest bit of support for what I'm doing.

My friends at university, on the other hand, are totally supportive of my studies, ask me how I am, congratulate me when I get good marks, study with me and are generally a lot nicer about it. Most of my uni friends aren't Christians, and they don't seem to have a problem with me being one but I can tell they just don't understand. To this problem one could answer: "well, there you go! you're out on the mission field! you can show the example of Jesus to them!" To which my reply is: "don't you think I'm trying?" And I am... but I don't feel comfortable discussing anything relating to struggles with uni at youth group, coz I feel like they don't actually care enough about uni to want to discuss it. Like if I brought it up, they'd be all like "well, you chose to go to university". Well... I dunno if they would. Stewart's at uni, too. But he doesn't go that often, I don't think. I've made a lot of friends at uni, and that's the problem... kind of... like, I need Christian mates just to be able to relate to on that spiritual level. But I also need people who I can relate to on things like course stress, how hard it really is to learn languages, how stressed and tired I am, how I have so much work to do... what I don't need is people who think I'm wasting my time studying in the first place. Maybe I'm over-reacting, maybe I'm just tired, maybe I'm just an idiot who reads into things too much and they're only teasing me (they do it alot) but it's getting to a weird point and I no longer know how to react. Thank goodness I have a babysitting job on youth group nights for the next little while. It'll give me time to sort myself out... pray a lot... just get my head together. I'm such an idiot sometimes...

I also feel like I'm failing everytime I try to talk to people about my faith. I feel like a fool, like I can't explain it properly, like maybe I'm not a real Christian if people don't get what I'm talking about? I feel like I'm compromising without even realising it - I'm compromising my standards to relate to uni friends. And that's not on. It's my problem to resolve with God... I can't do this on my own. It's just not going to happen. Without God I am nothing, and I cannot possibly hope to show him to the world if he's not with me... ack... I need sleep.

ALP,
Rosie

Tiiiired...

I had my interview at the teacher's college today. It went really well, actually, better than I thought it was. Reminds me a lot of my AFS interviews for my exchange, same sort of thing. Group work, etc. Then I babysat. It was good.

I have all this craziness to sort out for uni, and it's starting to freak me out that I have less than a fortnight to write my expose for FREN215 and that I also have to write that disseration for just over a fortnight away. Trimester is hurtling to an end, and it's been a wild ride. FREN215 is obviously the hardest because it's a 2nd year paper, but it's also really challenging so I'm really loving it. I'll have to decide next trimester whether or not to keep doing German. Other stuff might arise... I dunno. I'm still a bit ho-hum about everything. Haven't been sleeping, and I'm stressed and gah. But life is still good, and so is God. So it'll all be fine.

ALP,
Rosie

Hehe...

Sorry. I accidently posted a nothing post, but it so entertained me that I think I'll leave it there. Just to confuse the masses.

Well! 4 weeks til the end of my first trimester at university. My, does time fly. Just finished work and headed over to the supermarket to buy food to make lunch. I just had this amazing brainwave - buy yummy stuff to make lunch as opposed to buying lunch at uni. Well, usually I end up just not eating coz I'm not very organised and I never have any money. I do, however, drink a lot of coffee, and nothing I do is going to stop that, but I bought some croissants, some spicy ham, some Brie and some Oreos. That should do me for this week, if not next week too. Only petits croissants, though. And yes, it actually said "petits croissants" on the packet - it's not just me abusing the fact that I speak French. Bof...

Anyway, I do have quite a bit to do before the end of the trimester. Like pretend I've been going to the language learning centre at least once a week all trimester. Prepare my French expose. Write my second French dissertation. Do my Spanish assignment. Actually figure out what the heck the lecturer from Fren124 was on about in time for the test. Keep trying to learn German vocab... it just doesn't seem to want to stick in my head. Oh, and guess what? Next Tuesday I have an interview with the College of Education. They're going to psycho-analyse me to see if I'd make a good teacher and will find that, in fact, I'm just psycho. Whoulda thunk?

Best be off... yah!
ALP,
Rosie

May Day! May Day!