Rosie's Random Ramblings

Rosie's the name, rambling's the game, and hey, at least when it's cyber-rambling you can control the speed at which you get the information.

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Eeek! One week left!

I'm actually very glad these holidays are nearly over, but I gotta admit, I will miss sleeping in. I slept til nearly midday today. I just checked up some unofficial marks - looks like I'm doing alright! Apparently I got A+ in my Spanish, my French and my German papers! Who knew? That's insane! I'm really quite happy about that - here's hoping the official marks end up being the same...

So next Monday, back at university for another round. Time to hop back on the roller coaster of learning - it's gonna be great. As much as I complain, I love it! And I am looking forward to being back into my crazy lifestyle. Life is good.

ALP,
Rosie

Monday, June 20, 2005

Oh well...

... I'm not going to be NZ Idol after all. Are we really that surprised? No, not really, no. But I had a lot of fun :) Tamsin came with me, and we queued, and that was exciting. And we met cool people, which was also exciting. Some guy shoved a phone at me and I talked to the radio station in Masterton!!!!! Yay!!!!! (It's a very small place, for those who don't know...) I sang them a little song. It was very entertaining. Sadly, when I went to audition, I was told that "you're good, but we're looking for excellent". Which is fair enough, I suppose. In some ways I was relieved I didn't get in, coz it would have screwed up my life a little, and life's actually going quite nicely at the moment. I don't think I'd audition next year if the opportunity arose... it's just one of those things you need to give a go the one time.

I did meet a cool guy, though. More talking to strangers - I know, I know... I should stop it. I really should. One day I even might. When I'm a crazy old lady with cats I won't talk to anyone. How the world eagerly awaits that day!

The trip to Foxton was very cool. Foxton is... small. Very small. Yet, I enjoyed myself immensely. I always like Songster trips... hang on, we're called "Soul Praise" now. We renamed the Songsters, but I'm still not used to it and I'll probably just keep calling us the Songsters. Maybe one day it'll properly click...

ALP,
Rosie

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

I wanna be a rock star!

- but I ain't got what it takes
the drive and the determination and the lucky breaks
I wanna be a rock star - yeah, but I ain't got the face!
I wanna be a rock star, but I ain't got what it takes...
- Third Day

Guess what? In two days time I have an audition for NZ Idol. Isn't that funny? I'm not sure how I actually feel about it... I'm not really taking it too seriously. Like, if I don't get through, I'm not going to hole myself up in a room for the next six months or something. But it'd be cool. Tamsin (Spanish class) is coming with me, and we're gonna get lots of junk food and play cards and generally have an awesome time til I have to sing or whatever, and if I do good, we'll go celebrate and if I don't get through, we'll go and comiserate. It's really a win-win situation. Anyway, I had pretty hard core regrowth going on from not having dyed my hair in awhile, so I've fixed that... it went darker than I thought, but oh well, at least it's gone back to the colour it was on the photo I sent in with my application. Weird, huh?

This weekend we're off to Foxton with the Songsters! That's going to be very exciting. I'm looking forward to it - the youth group worship team are doing the worship on Saturday night. It's gonna be a lot of fun, methinks. Woot! I'm quite excited.

I'm going to go crash now. See y'all later. (Y'all = Carol, Erin and Bri, I guess ;) )

Monday, June 13, 2005

Possible to be sick of holidays?

Yes.

Yes. It is possible.

I need to do something intellectually stimulating. Carol suggests I write presentations, when really what I actually need to do is find more interesting strangers to talk to. Preferably those who speak foreign languages that I'm learning. I talked to some Spanish people the other day, that was really fun.

I'd like to make a public announcement. Nick - I vow to complete and utterly kick your ass in Spanish next trimester. I'm giving you fair warning so you can make an effort to be a worthy opponent. Bring it. Seriously.

In other news, am seriously in debt. May possibly need to sell kidney. It'd just be my luck that I only have one that functions, wouldn't it? Hmm.... am aiming to pay off visa by next May so I can move out. I'm kind of sick of living at home. Not that I don't love my family. It's just that with Dad being sick, I can't really galavant all over the place til all hours of the night coz he'll wait up. And I'd really like to do the whole flatting thing. If it doesn't work, I can always move back home. (shouldn't think like that) I have a whole year to think about it. And at least I know who I wanna flat with. It makes it easier.

Better get some sleep. Adios!

ALP,
Rosie

Monday, June 06, 2005

Big night out...

Well, not really big night out, but it was a lot of fun. I went out to dinner with some friends - I've been trying to organise it for the last week, and we did actually figure it out. Nick, Lizzy, Tamsen, Eugene and me. As in 5th wheel kind of thing - well, not really, it wasn't actually that bad. It was really cool to see that they all got along :) I'm quite relieved, actually. I was expecting it to be a little awkward, but it wasn't. Which is good. I think we should probably do that again.

Maybe I should date more. *shrugs* I dunno... it's just that I'd really like to find a nice guy. I don't really want to go through a whole bunch of losers, though... and I don't want to date for the sheer heck of it. As silly as this seems, I think I'm going to need to find the One. I don't think I can handle dating the seventeen or so beforehand, it's going to have to be the One. Good luck to you, I hear you say. And I know, I know, I'm young, I have plenty of time to find the One and God does stuff in His own good time. But still... sometimes, I'd really like to find him. Whoever he is. The only thing I do know and hold on to is that he's going to be a pretty amazing guy, coz he's going to have to be absolutely right for me and that's going to make him a pretty unusual person.

I have a lot of ambitions. There are a lot of things I want to do with my life and I'd really, really like to not be doing them alone. Not that I don't think I couldn't - if I'm supposed to be doing stuff alone, then God will equip me, I know that. What it all boils down to is that if God intends me to be single, then he's going to make me okay with it. And if God has a guy somewhere for me, then I'll find that guy at the exact right time. It's all under control. I should really stop freaking out. But... *sighs* you know, sometimes it kind of sucks just being everyone's friend. I'm a romantic and I do want to live out some grand fantastic love story that doesn't involve sleeping pills, poison and balconies.

Then I think about the fact that my existence and my salvation is a part of the greatest love story ever told, and it all kind of pales in comparison. Earthly love is never going to be enough to satisfy me - but the eternal love of God is. What I want is what He intended love to be, his vision for humanity. I want someone who understands that. I want a guy who spends more time on his relationship with God than he does on his hair, to quote my friend Suzie. I want a guy who understands the love of God, because I don't think that he could fully appreciate love until he understands what God has done for him, for me, for everyone. There's a part of me that still doesn't fully understand what God's done for me, why he did it, what I've been rescued from. Can any of us really fully understand? It's pretty mindblowing... pretty crazy.

This is a situation I have to constantly give over to God. I keep trying to take it back, and worry about it but deep down I know that His timing is perfect. I also know that nothing will happen til I let go. It's hard to say that, but I know that it's what's best. I suppose I'd better get some sleep. I always get all deep and introspective when I'm tired. Good night!

ALP,
Rosie

Sunday, June 05, 2005

J - trying to find a letter I have not yet started a post with

I'm about to head off to CTC in half an hour for tonight's evening concerts and what not - it should be fun. I've had a really good time so far - yesterday was fun. I sang in the morning and it went... alright, I guess. I don't think I played the C#m chord correctly a single time, but that's okay. I didn't get called back, but I really enjoyed myself. Hung out with Lisa, who I hadn't seen for awhile, and she taught me how to do Dance Dance Revolution at Timezone. That was fun. Some of the items at CTC were just incredibly cool and amazing and wow and man, do I wish I could dance like those guys. It was LEGENDARY. Seriously :D

I'd better jet - but I'll try and blog properly later on in the week. Adios!

Rosie

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

La Vision

Alors ce gars s’approche de moi et me demande : "C’est quoi la vision ? C’est quoi la grande idée ?" J’ai ouvert ma bouche et voilà les mots qui en sont sortis…

"La vision ?"

La vision, c’est Jésus- obsessivement, dangereusement, indiscutablement Jésus.

La vision est une armée de jeunes.

Toi, tu vois des os ? Moi, je vois une armée. Et ils sont libérés de tout matérialisme.

Ils se moquent d’un idéal limité par les horaires de bureau (entre 9h et 17h).
Ils pourraient très bien manger du caviar le lundi et des miettes le mardi.
Ils ne s’en apercevraient même pas !
Ils connaissent le sens de la Matrice, la façon dont l’Ouest a été gagné.
Ils sont libres comme l’air. Ils appartiennent aux nations.
Ils n’ont pas besoin de passeport. Les gens écrivent leurs adresses au crayon, et ils s’étonnent de leur étrange existence.
Ils sont libres et pourtant ils sont esclaves des gens qui souffrent, qui sont sales, et qui meurent.
C’est quoi la vision ?
La vision c’est la sainteté qui fait mal aux yeux. Elle fait rire les enfants et irrite les adultes. Elle a depuis longtemps laissé tomber le jeu d’un minimum intégrité pour viser bien plus haut. Elle méprise le bon et s’efforce d’atteindre le meilleur. Elle est dangereusement pure.
La lumière filtre de chaque intention secrète, de chaque discussion privée.
Elle aime les gens loin de leurs sauts suicidaires, de leurs jeux sataniques.
Voici une armée qui donnera sa vie pour la cause. Un million de fois par jour ces soldats

choisissent de perdre
pour pouvoir un jour être
récompensés par un grandiose "C’est bien, mes fidèles fils et filles".

De tels héros sont aussi radicaux le lundi matin que le dimanche soir. Ils n’ont pas besoin de célébrité. Au lieu de cela ils sourient silencieusement vers le ciel et entendent les foules chanter encore et encore "ALLEZ !"

Et ceci est le son de la résistance,
Le murmure de l’Histoire en train de se faire,
Des fondations qui tremblent,
Des révolutionnaires qui rêvent de nouveau,
Le mystère complote à voix basse,
La conspiration respire…
Ceci est le son de la résistance !

Et l’armée est disciplinée.

Des jeunes qui forcent leurs corps à se soumettre.

Chaque soldat accepterait de prendre une balle à la place de son compagnon d’armes. Le tatouage sur leur dos proclame "car Christ est ma vie et la mort m’est un gain".

Le sacrifice alimente le feu de victoire dans leurs yeux tournés vers le ciel. Vainqueurs. Martyres. Qui peut les arrêter ? Les hormones peuvent-elles les retenir ? L’échec peut-il vaincre ? La peur peut-elle les effrayer, ou la mort les tuer ?

Et la génération prie

comme un homme mourant
avec des plaintes qui vont au delà des mots,
avec des cries de guerre, des larmes acides et
avec une grande foule pleine de rire !
Ils attendent, montent la garde : 24-7-365.

Quel que soit le prix, ils donneront ! Violant les règles. Secouant la médiocrité de sa confortable petite cachette. Abandonnant leurs droits et leurs précieuses petites fautes, se moquant des étiquettes, se privant de l’essentiel. Les publicités ne peuvent pas les influencer. Hollywood n’a pas d’emprise sur eux. La pression de leur entourage est incapable d’ébranler leur résolution aux fêtes nocturnes avant le premier chant du coq.

Ils sont incroyablement cool et dangereusement attirant de l’intérieur.

De l’extérieur, ils s’en fichent presque. Ils portent des vêtements comme un costume pour communiquer et célébrer mais jamais pour se cacher.
Renonceraient-ils à leur image ou à leur popularité ?
Ils sacrifieraient même leur propre vie – changeraient de place avec le condamné à mort – plus que coupable. Un trône pour une chaise électrique.

Avec du sang et de la sueur et beaucoup de larmes, avec des nuits blanches et des jours stériles,

ils prient comme si tout dépend de Dieu et vivent comme si tout dépend d’eux-mêmes.

Leur ADN choisit Jésus. (Il expire et ils inspirent.)
Leur subconscient chante. Ils ont eu une transfusion sanguine avec Jésus.
Leurs paroles font hurler les démons dans les centres commerciaux.
Ne les entendez-vous donc pas arriver ?
Elle annonce les déjantés ! Elle appelle les perdants et les mecs bizarres. Voila qu’arrivent les effrayés et les oubliés avec du feu dans leurs yeux. Ils marchent fièrement et les arbres applaudissent, les gratte-ciel saluent, les montagnes sont écrasées par ses enfants d’une autre dimension. Leurs prières appellent les meutes des cieux et invoquent le rêve ancien d’Eden.

Et cette vision sera. Elle arrivera, elle viendra facilement, elle viendra bientôt.
Comment je le sais ? Parce que cela est le désir de la création même, le cri de l’Esprit, le propre rêve de Dieu. Mon demain est son aujourd’hui. Mon espoir éloigné est son 3D. Et ma pauvre prière chuchotée sans foi invoque un AMEN retentissant, étourdissant qui secoue les os, venu d’une multitude d’anges, de héros de la foi, de Christ lui-même. Et il est le rêveur originel, le vainqueur ultime.

C’est sûr !

(http://24-7.jesus.fr/)

Such a smart little language-knowing cookie...

I am really proud of the fact that I had an MSN conversation entirely in Spanish with my friend Augusto :) He's from Argentina, he was on exchange in Quebec with me. Anyway, we actually conversed in Spanish! It was a pretty basic conversation, but it was actually really fun. Hopefully we'll get to do it again sometime - I miss Augusto. A ton, actually.

Course, at the same time as the Spanish convo, I was talking to my host mum in Canada in French. Words do not express how much I miss my host family. I just realised recently that it's been nearly a year since I left Quebec. How weird is that? And how much has changed since then... Sonia had a lot to say, it was really good to talk to her. She was looking at my MSN photo and told me that I'd lost a bit of weight and I was looking less like a little girl and more like a woman. That was kind of freaky. I knew I'd changed a lot during my year away, but I hadn't realised I'd changed since I was back. Well, I know I've changed, but I didn't think I'd changed physically. Does that make sense? I'm also not too sure if I like the fact that I look older... does it just mean that I'm getting old? Why am I worried about that anyway? It's silly.

By the way - it's June! How the heck did THAT happen?

Life is an unusual thing. It really is. I'm not sure what I'm going to do for the next few weeks. Much as I know that I desperately need this break, I also reckon I'm going to get bored quite easily. Then again, there are so many variables... so many things that could happen. And if they did, they'd change everything. Course, the actual chance of these things happening is remote, but still possibly. Frustratingly possible. But if you don't try, you'll spend the rest of your life thinking "what if" or "if only". In 3rd form Meg told me that. And I've never really taken that advice until now... she was right. I hope she knows that. If it works out, or even if it doesn't, I think she deserves to know that she wasn't talking out of a hole in her head. She actually had a point. And I'm fully aware that this doesn't really make that much sense. I have my reasons for avoiding being specific.

Already Wednesday of my first week off. STILL haven't tided my room. I will honestly do it by the end of the week. Honestly. I really, really will.

I found the coolest thing the other day. The Vision - in French. Just having it in a foreign language gives me a sense of how big it is, you know? God is God, whether you say Dieu, Dios, Gott or whatever. He's still God. It's amazing. It's crazy. Etonnant. Incroyable.

ALP,
Rosie